My nose is raw...

Disclaimer: This will be totally BORING for most of you to read. This is a mother thing and I just need to vent, so reader beware.

Today was no fun for me. It goes back even further than that. Last night was one of the WORST nights of my mother-life. Emma got sick last Friday and it has spread to all of us save Desi. Our noses are running and raw, our throats are sore and the kids all have hacking coughs. At least I don’t have the cough. Poor Levi was doing pretty well for a few days and then last night… He went down around 7pm (a little early for him) and was up around midnight. I did all I could for him and was just so tired that I put an ear plug in and let him cry, hoping he’d go to sleep. An hour later, no such luck. I get up with him and hold him…he needs to be swayed- not rocked- no I had to stand! Finally he was down only to awake a few hours later. Did I sleep those few hours? Of course not, due to my cold. We had another date that lasted a lot longer than I wanted it to, with LOTS of crying. I was in such a bad mood…thinking all sorts of bad things…battling to have a good attitude. When I get mad (which I was) I tend to sin with my mouth…say all sorts of horrible things that I don’t mean, just to get a reaction in case anyone (like Desi) is listening. Now, this is horrible and I am prayerfully trying to overcome. Last night I just yelled things like “I don’t like this. I hate this!” over and over again. So bad. I guess this is sort of a confession. Now you know how to pray for me! Levi finally settled down around 4:30 and was up again 2 hours later. Desi came to my rescue, being the most wonderful husband and father that he is. I got to get a few more hours of really needed sleep. Desi had been gone all day yesterday and was gone all day today as well. It was just a long day full of Levi crying. He awoke and cried till late this afternoon. Crying just grates on my nerves like crazy…especially after little sleep and feeling horrid. Needless to say, today is one of those days that at the end, I cannot believe I actually made it through. God is so good in the midst of my selfishness and sinfulness. All four kids are in bed asleep and I am able to sit for a minute and recharge. I know Levi may want another date or two tonight, but that’s ok. I have NOTHING to complain about. As I look around me, blessings are everywhere. To have four kids who are usually healthy☺, a husband who loves me unconditionally, clothes, food, shelter and best of all a heavenly Father who knows exactly how I am feeling and despite my sinfulness, seeks to love me and show me the way to go. I have never gone through refining as I am now, in raising the kids that God has given us. I thank God daily for Hope, Owen, Emmaline and Levi who in all their unique ways cause Desi and I to grow, die to self and seek God’s help and wisdom. We are on a journey, Desi and I, toward knowing God better- to loving Him and enjoying Him forever...and discipling our children towards the same end. It’s a wild ride with lots of ups and downs and we are enjoying every minute of it…well, not quite every minute!
~Rose